7 down 3 more to go

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So I’m on a little bit of a break between exams, and I thought I’d come write down some thoughts. I have taken 7 exams in the last 10 days (3 more to go!), and I just need to give myself a shout out here. 4 exams and 1 final last week, 5 finals this week. I thought this semester was going to be impossible, but somehow I managed to make it through, almost in better spirits than I did last semester (however that works out!). I took my Thanatology 2 final this morning, so I’m officially done with Thano and I’ll never have to take it again (unless I failed, which I’m pretty sure I didn’t). In a couple hours, I have my embalming 1 lecture final. I’m not that worried about this one either, I’ve done pretty well on the tests so far, so I think I’ll be good.

Tomorrow I have my anatomy/pathology 2 final, which I’m not excited for, but I only need to score a 68/200 to pass the class. Right now I’m maintaining a B, so I’m hoping to keep it that way. Friday is my last final of this long semester, and restorative art seems to be the one that I understand the most and hate being tested on the most. I tend to screw up because it’s a lot of the same worded questions (because honestly, you can only ask nose and ear measurements so many times before it’s just a blur), and his tests end up simpler and yet more complicated every time. Once that’s over (probably 8:30ish Friday morning), I’ll be on SUMMER VACATION!

…for 2 weeks. Then summer semester kicks in and I’m NOT excited about that. 5 weeks of Ceremonies (with field trips and it actually sounds interesting) and 7 weeks of Mort Law 2 *dies*. I’m so nervous for that class. It’s going to be a long and intense 7 weeks. It’s with a teacher I don’t particularly like, but it’s a different teacher from Law 1, so I’m hoping she’ll actually be able to teach me something. Once Law is over at the beginning of August, I’ll have another 3 weeks before Fall semester begins MY LAST SEMESTER! (as long as I pass summer)

Did I mention I’m nervous for summer Law? Yeah, I’m nervous. I’ve had multiple people say, “you’ll be fine!” and “I have faith in you” or “you’re worrying too much”. HELL YEAH I’M WORRYING! It’s accelerated law language and statutes and presentations and things that I DON’T FULLY UNDERSTAND! And of course, it builds on the previous semester, which I didn’t feel I was fully taught anything, so yeah, I’m worried. PLUS! Once I’ve completed this summer Law class, I’ll be eligible to take my funeral directors exam and be a full fledged LICENSED funeral director (I’m actually super excited about that).

Since this post was sort of a downer and I can feel the stress dripping off it, I’d like to take a moment and point out that I may just pass this semester with all B’s! I got 2 C’s and 2 B’s last semester, but I think I might just pull out 6 B’s this semester. I’m proud of myself for that, it wasn’t easy and no matter how many times people say “well duh” or “I wouldn’t expect anything less from you” (which people have), I just have to point out that this IS NOT an easy program and expecting my typical outcome of A’s and B’s is should NOT be expected. Granted, this is the most work I’ve put into school in a long time, but even when I was taking AP and honor classes in high school and for my A.A., I still didn’t feel as stressed out as I am with this program.

I’m definitely going to be proud of myself when I’m done, and fuck the people saying walking in graduation for this isn’t worth it, because it’s worth it to me. I worked damn hard, and I’m going to rock my black and red and accept that degree with pride. It’s not for the program’s sake at this point or school pride (because it kind of was at the beginning, but I’m forgetting why). It’s for my sake. I did this. Just because my degree isn’t from a University, doesn’t mean I didn’t accomplish something huge and don’t deserve a cap and gown.

Wow, OK. Rant over. I think that’s residual stress from studying and finals coming out.

SO. CLOSE. TO. THE. END.

So close, yet so far.

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So it’s been 2 weeks since I posted about my very terrible struggle in lab. Luckily, since then I have recovered and done very well. It was a fluke! Since then, we’ve also started our competencies, which consist of the team going from start to finish with very little instructor interference (basically, unless we’re fucking up royally, they’re leaving us to it).

I’m sort of fortunate to be on the right and left legs for both weeks of competencies. I got it out of the way last week with the first go around and I found all of the necessary arteries, but I think tomorrow morning I’ll do even better since I know exactly what I need to do. Not that I didn’t know before, but I wasn’t nervous last week when we went in there and I did ok. This week I’m ready to get in there and finish with flying colors!

My team is awesome. Thursday’s have become my favorite days, and I’m actually a little sad that the semester’s coming to and end and I won’t be embalming for a couple of months. The chemistry works between all of us, and we’re all excited to be on each other’s team. We got split up one week when there was one less body (usually there’s 3) for the 15 of us to work on, and it was completely different to work with another team. I think tomorrow is technically the last day we’re working in lab, and we’re going out for celebratory drinks after school!

With this week ending, there’s only 2 weeks left. In these next 2 weeks, I have 10 exams. TEN! There’s review and glossary exams and section wrap ups and then its FINALS FINALS FINALS!

It’s so weird that I’m more than halfway through this program. It’s also a complete relief, but I wouldn’t wish this program on anyone who isn’t ready. It’s the most intense schooling and I didn’t realize this is what it was going to be until I got into the thick of it. I didn’t assume it was going to be easy, but I just felt like it wasn’t going to be THIS hard. The expectations are extremely high. Probably because they have a reputation to uphold, but it’s definitely not for the casual learner.

Most of the kids in this program have their bachelor’s in science’s and have taken multiple classes on the subject and they’re still struggling. I took a bunch of art classes and general education, and I’m a bright crayon in the box, but this is intense.

My summer semester is consisting of 9 units and the kid at the financial aid office seemed scared for me. He ended up saying, “you know what you’re doing…”. Yes. You are correct sir. I DO know what I’m doing. I’m handling my shit and getting this done in the 18 months it takes to complete the program.

I don’t want to be in it any longer than I have to. I have plans. I want to get out into the field. I want to get onto apprenticing and getting my embalmer’s license. I want to move the FUCK out of my house and finally have some damn space. There’s a lot I want to do, but I need to take this day by day and get it done. So far so good, just gotta keep on truckin.