I thought about posting after a week into the summer semester, but I decided to hold off until there was more to say, and I’m glad I did. After the first week (I just started week 3), I had high hopes. My teachers who I didn’t like in previous semesters were actually tolerable. My first 2 test we’re passing (one more than the other). I had this idea that “this isn’t going to be that hard!”.
By the time we got into week 2, it set in. Maybe because my 3rd class began in the 2nd week (for whatever reason it decided to be a week behind everything else), or maybe because we really started getting into the nitty gritty of Law 2 and the fast paced ceremonies classes, but either way, I’m feeling the overwhelming feelings that is mortuary school. I do realize that summer semesters for any class is sped up and that you’re required to do and know a lot more than the normal 16 weeks. In 16 weeks, you can spread out the load and make it more manageable. Today I felt the full force of “OH MY GOD, I’M SO BEHIND!”.
It might be because I had a 5 day weekend (CFDA convention that I couldn’t attend *sad face*), or maybe it’s because I was so used to the spread out timeline of 16 weeks, but today I had to make sure I’m going at this semester in full force. I have yet to actually study Law 2 outside of class (that’s going to bite me in the ass). I put off studying for tests until the night before, thinking I can cram it like I did last semester. Today I realized the research paper I have in one class is due in a week. The online class I’m taking had 4 chapters to read, 4 chapters of homework, and 3 discussion boards due, and I only started on them yesterday. We spent 3 hours going over group presentation stuff that we have due in 2 weeks, but need to get preliminary things turned into the teacher in 1 week.
All of those things made me get that tightness in my chest that signifies it’s coming down to the wire, and I’m not prepared. I’m normally a little overly confident on my ability to cram and write a research paper in a day or have a presentation down and ready to go with little to no effort. This semester has me working with a group of 10 trying to make a Roman Catholic mock funeral service happen and I have to provide insight. It makes me nervous because I usually feel like I had some grasp on what I’m talking about or presenting and can work my way through it. This semester, I have no idea about law terminology, I suck at remembering religion things, and my online class has me nervous that I suddenly don’t know how to do general education classes.
By week 2, I a little more disdain for one of my teachers like I had previously in earlier semesters. This week, since it was a short week, I feel is my catch up week. I did as much as I could for my online class so there isn’t as much to do tomorrow. I’m going on a field trip to a casket company, so I’m pretty sure that’s not going to be a long day, which gives me more time. I’m also getting part of an interview for my research paper done this weekend and going to have to start getting Roman Catholic belief’s jotted down for my group so I can get that going. Once I break it down for myself like this, it’s making it seems more manageable.
Venting my frustrations to people just has them saying, “you got this” with no substance, but maybe the substance is this “I’ll make it work” mindset I’ve grown accustomed to resorting to throughout mortuary school. It’s still kind of blowing me away how quickly this year is going by. On Monday, it’s the 4th of July, and I need to make sure to get things done and ready to go before Monday. Once we’re through the 4th, we’re about halfway through this semester, and I’m that much closer to the fall semester (the LAST semester! can’t emphasize that enough).
I read an article today from a very well known person in the funeral industry, talking about how she wants us to get into the field only if we’re good and ready to do this. Not in a “I think I can” but more like a “if you have to ask if you can do it, you already can’t”. I try not to doubt myself. I never really believed that I couldn’t do it. I only question myself when it gets hard, and then I come through on the other side and say “Wow! That’s over!”, and move on.
I think I’m more prepared each and every day. I’m actually planning on looking for a job as soon as this summer semester’s complete. Hopefully that gets my foot in the door before I graduate and jumps starts that idea of MONEY and MOVING that I so desperately need. One can only hope.