Holy shit, I haven’t posted in 3 months?! I chalk it up to the fact that I’ve been super busy. Plus, I’ve been writing in my actual journal, and not on the internet. In these 3 months, A LOT has happened. Not in like big, life-changing moments. More like “experience”, and that’s a big, boring “duh”, so I didn’t think to come on here and update constantly. But now, it’s been 3 months, so I should probably make a blog post.
In the last 3 months, I’ve even closer to being on my own in the prep room. Tomorrow morning I have my 20th case to embalm, and after 25, I can be unsupervised. I’m excited to be able to be in there by myself. I know my boss wants to let me loose already, but as soon as he’s not needed, he’s gonna be all worried about me. I just want to be in there and have my space and take my time.
I’m definitely more confident in my funeral directing abilities, including but not limited to, running a church service by myself, and also arranging with families. I’ve had a couple families that were needy as hell, but I still like my job. I still like I provided something for them. I don’t like that I get attitude every so often (who does?), but snarky remarks are so few and far between, they’re more like a funny story for an otherwise normal day.
I say “normal day”, but it’s possibly the worst day for some. Part of my normal day could include forming a lip out of clay, or pulling a deceased out of their shower. Part of my normal day could be seeing (and smelling) a decomposing body. Part of what I think is a normal day is driving a hearse in the Costco gas line (see photo). Other people think I have a weird/cool/interesting/disgusting job. I think I have an awesome job, and it always feels nice to hear,”thank you so much for what do”.
A couple weeks ago, I buried a family’s mother. They were all super nice, a little demanding, but super nice. Everything went smoothly, they loved how their mom looked. When we were at the cemetery and I was saying my goodbye’s and hugging the family, the eldest child stopped me and said, “thank you, Taryn. I found strength through you.” Needless to say, I went home feeling awesome.
That’s all I can hope for when I serve families. I want them to be able to get through this difficult moment with the least amounts of stress as possible. I’m not going to say “get through it” or “get over it”, cuz they’re not gonna just “get over it”, and “getting through it” means there’s an end point, but I don’t feel like there’s ever a real and true ending to this thing we call grief. Sure we could go decades without thinking about it, but oh man, when you do? It’s like you’re reliving the moment all over again. Maybe not as painful, but it sure as hell doesn’t feel great.
I sort of got off in a rambling tangent, but I just gotta say, I really do think I’ve found what I’m supposed to be doing. And to further my career: I went and took (AND PASSED) my embalmers exam last week! I actually felt super confident when I was taking this one. My funeral director and my national board exams were much harder. Or at least, I didn’t feel as for sure about my answers when I was in the middle of it. This time, I was clicking through it and finished in less than 20 minutes. I walked out knowing I’d passed, and I’m not usually that confident on tests, so that was nice to get out of the way. Now the only other test I “need” to take is my pre-need insurance license so I can make some commission!